I just dont know anymore.

We just had to put my beloved doggy Polly to sleep. It still hasn't registered in my brain that shes gone...forever. It feels so odd typing the sentence "we just had to put beloved doggy Polly to sleep." I guess i owe you an explanation:

...so basically, just last week, i noticed that Polly was slowing down a little bit. She was walking really slowly up the stairs. She wouldnt catch her balls and treats, she wouldnt chase her toys, and she's been  missing her jumps (like when she jumps on the bed or in the car) and she NEVER misses a jump. She's a super athletic dog. So after a day, she starts deteriorating. Quickly. Within the next day, she started eating less. She wasnt moving a lot. So we took her to the emergency vet and they took her in and did scans and tests. And within the week we received the news that she had cancer, Multiple Myloma to be exact. She had a major tumor in her left leg, right in the joint, so it was VERY painful for her. And later, they vets did some CT Scans and blood tests and X rays, and as it turned out, she had like 12 tumors on her spine. Over a couple days, those cancer cells started eating away her verterbrae and she was paralyzed from the hips down. She wasnt eating at all. She couldnt pee either. So we decided to treat her with chemo. But as the days passed, her prognosis was looking even more dim. Her spine was literally starting to collapse. Even if she made it through chemo then she wouldnt be the same. The damage to her spine was already done. So just today, when we went to visit Polly, the vet told us the bad news that Polly has gotten worse and that she had a very slim chance of survival. So the only humane thing to was to put her to sleep. This past week has definitely been one of my hardests weeks ever. >.< Polly's only been gone for 2 hours and life seems so empty without her. She was probably one of the bests things about this world. Now she's gone. It's so not fair, she has already been through so much, i mean she was abused, neglected, and abandoned before we adopted her, then she started getting warts (plasmacytomas) on her, and then she got a tick born disease, and last week she got an extremely painful and uncommon form of cancer that only takes 1-2 weeks to develop. All Polly ever wanted to do in her life was to be loved.  Life. Is. So. Fucking. Unfair. And. Painful. It. Sucks...a lot. I just miss her so much. I feel hollow and empty without her.

With that being said, have a good Halloween guys.